Tirzah
How am I to begin again?
I was dying. My face, my hands
Covered with sores. My skin
Decaying before my eyes.
I had lost my way, lost my love,
Lost everyone I knew except
For my mother, who, along with me
Lived a nonlife in the darkness
Of a windowless, cave-like cell.
Four years in the dark, looking forward
Only to the tray of bread and water
Pushed in through a hole every day.
Four years for me to dream
Of what might have been.
My life in a world of gold and silk,
Caring for the children I would have borne
And loving the man who became instead
My family’s scourge, our enemy and doom.
Then, the valley. The cursed place.
Again, a cold cave, although sometimes
I ventured into the sunlight
Wrapped in bandages and shawls,
Still struggling to live
By dreaming.
Was it a miracle
That a strange late afternoon thunderstorm
Washed me clean, dried up my sores,
Cured me of the plague?
I saw someone who was unluckier than myself.
When they hammered the nails into his hands
I felt the piercing myself and I cried out.
Years of suffering in silence
While my brother survived punishment
To become a hero.
His deep sorrow over our fate
Did not prevent him from having adventures.
I had only the life within my head.
Who am I? Unmarried and getting older,
Clean-skinned but plain,
A woman in a man’s time.
Do you think I can
be happy now?
To feel blessed, to reach toward faith
Is not my intention at all.
I am no longer afraid.
But that simply means
That now no one should be surprised
If I mount a horse
And ride off
At frantic speed
Arms raised in the air,
Shouting my glee
And taking in
All the pleasure
Denied me all those years.
No more caves.
No more wounds.
And more than just dreams.
© 2023 Lynne Bronstein
Lynne Bronstein is the author of Nasty Girls (Four Feathers Press) and four
other books of poetry. She has been published in magazines ranging from
Playgirl to Chiron Review, from Lummox to anthologies in England, Ireland,
Canada, and India. Her short fiction has appeared in magazines and
anthologies including the forthcoming Crime Under the Sun, and has been
read on National Public Radio.
She also writes a column on Facebook called Show Biz Cats.
